BrendaHubbard

Play, Pause, Play, Stop, Rewind, Play, like a wave that throws and tumbles the rocks, sand, and everything in its path around, so the different scenes that have taken place overwhelm every part of my brain. ENOUGH! As a slow warm movement slides down my right cheek, the other side follows it like, “Wait for me!” I am overwhelmed by the rush of emotions as water blurs my vision, and I lose control of what feels like a current of the fastest river I know…my tears. While burying my face in the palm of my sweaty hands, I cry. I have lost control of my body as it hiccups and snot builds up. At this point, my shirt isn’t enough to wipe the mess. Why does it have to be this way? What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? I only asked to be treated with love and respect. Am I not good enough? It’s my weight! Maybe Im, not a good sex partner. Well, perhaps if I would have waited longer…Why God? Why!? I’m a good person, hardworking, kind, and taking care of my business, yet I can’t find someone to love me for me!?

Hi Reader, on the other side of this screen, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read all about a topic very dear to my heart that I’ve had the privilege to know a thing or two about. I firmly believe that the things we go through are not just for us but serve as a testimony for others to learn from and use as hope. If you ever get to share an experience you have been through with someone to help them in a season in their life, do it. Sometimes we may think we are blessing someone, and our God may use that situation to allow healing to begin when we open our mouths and share something so profound with someone else. Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. Proverbs 3:27

Now if you have ever been in a situation where you are constantly replaying scenarios that bring you to a turmoil of emotions like the scenario described in the beginning, you know what I am talking about. Suppose you have not; great! That means one, you are young, and two, you’re the toxic one. Either or Do not try to find out what it is like. (LOL) Instead, please read this and share it with someone who could benefit from it. After a marriage that ended in divorce and a six-year relationship that ended with no possible reconciliation. I wanted to share what helped me walk away from them. Here are four tips on how to walk away from a TOXIC relationship:

1) DECIDE- is to come to a conclusion in the mind. When is it the moment that you notice this is not okay? That this is not healthy. Is it when you are left waiting? Is it when they disregard your opinion or emotions? Is it when you get called out your name? Or is it when your heart jumps from suspense or fear of their following reaction towards you? When do you decide you cannot live like this? When is the breaking point? Have you reached it? Are you waiting for it? Why do we paint others the color we want to see? I cannot paint that person yellow when they clearly show me they are blue. Eventually, the blue will override the yellow, no matter how hard we try to paint them. Their color overpowers the one we wish to see them in. People will always show us who they are. It is up to us not to create excuses for their actions. One way to notice this is when you ask people who genuinely love you, like a family or close friend, who can offer an honest opinion.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Ephesians 2:10.

2) WHY- the state of questioning something. How will deciding why to make a decision benefit me? Why is this the best option? What will happen once I make that decision? If our WHY is solid and valid, keeping the decision is easy. In my first marriage, I knew I wanted to have children one day, but I was very uneasy about birthing children to someone so verbally abusive. This had me questioning if this is who I wanted as the father to my children, and that was a solid NO, which added points to the walking away bank when it came down to walking away. In the next relationship, an argument in front of my son, which led to that person damaging a household item, was the WHY that helped me decide. Because my WHY had shifted, I did not want to raise my son in an aggressive environment and for him to grow up afraid. As you can imagine, that was a no-brainer to walk away, considering my experience. A firm WHY is crucial to help you decide.

my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies. 2 Samuel 22:3-4

3) EXIT STRATEGY- a plan to leave a place you no longer wish to be. What is the procedure to exit? Where will we begin? First, DO NOT tell the person you want to leave and walk away from your exit strategy. Remembering your WHY will help maintain the plan. Would you tell your opponent your next move before you do it? No! Right? It is the same in this situation; you only need to share or discuss your plans once you have a clear strategy and are ready to execute. Even then, beware of who your opponent is and what kind of reaction you might receive. If need be, seek the help of a close friend or family member that can help. I can do all this through him, who gives me strength.

Phillippians 4:13. God does not give us more than we can handle, and everything we go through is planned out to grow the person we are meant to be.

4) HOW TO STAY OUT- the ability to remain in a place where you do not go back to. How can we stay out of a situation? The number one way is to remember the plan that was put into place to get out and then remember the WHY. I have always taken drastic measures when wanting to change; in this case, it was no different. In a previous situation, I remember sending a text message explaining I would not be entertaining this any longer and that I was done. I deleted the phone number, blocked the person from all social media accounts, and blocked the number from calling me. I committed and vowed to God to shift my focus and for him to give me strength as I navigated this uncharted territory. I focused on things that would help me be a better person. I Consistently attended church, got closer to God, became celibate, decided to become a better mom for my son, focused on having a successful business, and enjoyed quality time with my family and friends. I paid attention to cues and possible pitfalls until I was completely free and no longer in bondage. Whenever my mind entertained a thought or an action I did not want to repeat, I would remember the Exit strategy, the WHY, and the deciding factors to bring me back to where I want to stay.

Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak. Mark 14:38

Heavenly Father, thank you for this Reader following every word before them. I pray that this has blessed them so they can extract what will add value to their lives and those of those they know. I pray that you give them the strength and willpower they need to live a life free from bondage and know how incredible you are once they decide to put you first. I pray that you keep, protect, and bless them so they know it is you. Thank you for using me as a willing yet stubborn vessel to carry out your will. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.