BrendaHubbard

Growing up, I would beat myself up about so many things when making up my mind about something, significantly if it were harming me mentally. For some weird reason, I always enjoyed dismantling and breaking whatever ties I had to any toxic or harmful situation. Especially if that situation was robbing me of my peace. I was a chronic procrastinator at taking the initiative and making a decision. But when I made that decision in my mind and heart. There was NO TURNING BACK!

There was this inner conflict; My thoughts would say, “You cannot lose this battle.” It was like taking off a dirty worn for a too long bandage. I am the type to pull the whole thing off, let me scream for .05 seconds, and then let me move on. I know what you’re thinking; well, good for you, Brenda; some of us do not work that way. And that’s okay; I get it. But have you ever tried it? Have you ever just cut ties? You remember the alternative. Remember when you slowly removed the bandage as a child, the big Ouch! Okay, no, this hurts too much. Let me just come back into this situation.

You have to remove yourself. First, no complete healing can take place. As painful as it is to remove that bandage. Decide in your mind and heart. Then do not go back to that particular job or that “situation.” Even if you have to delete that number or change yours, you have to remove yourself altogether. Make it where that person or “situation” cannot even get a hold of you anymore.

The key is doing this before your brain and your flesh tries to convince you otherwise. Even when it tries, and It WILL try. Just remember why you left that situation in the first place. Remember what it was doing to you mentally? And the hurt you were continually fighting.

In this particular situation pulling off that bandage fast and working on moving on was the only option. I decided to run from that toxic situation that was trying to keep me in bondage. And I decided to walk away from that relationship that was headed into a dark place mentally and Spiritually. Not till then was I free.

With my mind made up, I vowed to God from the bottom of my heart. “Lord, I will not have sex or be another man’s booty call ever again! I will remain sex-free until the day you bring me, my HUSBAND.” I commit to focusing on growing in your Word. Raising my son and working on my businesses. I was so serious about my commitment that I told a few of my family members because that gave me more accountability. Accountability is crucial and needed when you are escaping from any “situation.”

Now let’s fast forward a few months. I have been spending time learning and understanding what does it mean to walk with Jesus? Why did He come? And why did He die for my sins? These were just a few of the many questions that I had as I continued this journey in my faith.
Meanwhile, I am loving church and now serving in the Usher’s ministry. Our responsibility is to welcome, greet and pass out church service programs to individuals walking into the church. My son gets to explore and play in the children’s ministry. He also is learning about who God is. It indeed was a win-win situation. I have been feeling happier and in a better place spiritually and mentally.

One particular day I log onto Instagram and notice I had a DM (Direct Message) from an individual. I look at the picture and see it is a man he seems a little mysterious and I began to read:

The first thing that crossed my mind as I opened this DM was (eye roll). Here we go, another one trying to hit on me. Oh great, he’s seen me at church. How many people do I see at church (about 3,000 lol)? I don’t remember most of them. Great, he’s giving me his number, which I won’t call because there is no reason to. He’s funny; he mentions our Pastor is following him, so he’s probably doing something interesting on his page, LOL.

I’m over here thinking this guy isn’t wasting any time in making friends. I thought that was funny because he was so direct. As long as he didn’t hit on me, we were okay.

He continues to bring up the conversation, and in my mind, I’m like, I will continue to be too busy because what could we possibly discuss? Uh, I do not know you, sir. And I am not interested in whatever you might be thinking. Remember, I am coming from a “situation” and a place of focusing on God and my family. I was minding my own raising my son and building my businesses. I had refused to entertain anything else.

A few days later, he asked the question that changed the direction of my life forever. “He said he wanted to ask me some questions.” And I wondered what about; he said “Bayside.” That was the church we were both attending at the time. At that point, I was all Ears!!! (lol) I put my guard down, and I was instantly available to talk over the phone, But notice I was still firm in my commitment and focus on God. I refused to entertain any other talk that would distract me.

Later that day, we had such a fantastic conversation, and I could not believe how knowledgeable he was about the word of God and truly wanted more information about Bayside and attending church. I was so excited to share with him my experience and how much it has helped me so far, and how sold out I was. He was thrilled I told him that they were offering this class called Growth Track and that it was so good to learn about the church and your purpose in life. Then he asked, have you took the course? It was hilarious, but I hadn’t! Here I was selling him on taking a course I had not taken myself! Then I mentioned to him I had committed to getting closer to God this year, so perfect timing. I said no but let’s attend the course together? I will see you then it started that upcoming Sunday. That was the first time Matthew and I met, and the rest is history.

Growth Track was a once a week four weeks class. I would see Matthew there with another good friend of his. We didn’t sit together until the last class for no particular reason. We focused on the course, we had just met and were strictly friends wanting to learn and know more about our God. After four weeks, like most great things, it ended too soon, but before the class had ended, I had a few questions. What if I decide to follow Jesus, but I fall back into sin? What if I make another mistake unwillingly? And so many more questions that troubled me. In that class, a beautiful lady helped the instructor answer questions, and I had asked her these questions and more. To my surprise, she said something so profound. God has forgiven you for your past, present, and future sins. As long as you acknowledge when you fall short, repent, and ask for forgiveness, you’re okay.

1 John 1:9 “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
Hebrews 8:12 “And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.”

He knows we are born sinners. That is why he died for us.
Romans 5:8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. Wow, I was blown away by how good this God I had no clue about was. I had decided to make one of the best decisions of my life. To follow Jesus and serve him wholeheartedly. On February 11, 2018, I decided to make a public declaration to get baptized.
Acts 2:38 Peter replied, “Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. John 3:5-6 Jesus replied, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit. Verse 6 says, Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life. I didn’t understand what everything meant. All I knew was that I loved what God was already doing on the inside of me, and there was no way I was going to Turn Back!

2 Corinthians 5:17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
I had decided to leave behind my sinful ways and the shame that I had been carrying from my previous sins and shortcomings and begin to learn about my God and what it meant to live life putting him first daily.

Thank you for coming alongside me as I share my experiences and testimony with you to help you, deliver you, and bring hope into your life through these sentences you are taking the time to read. Father God, thank you for the reader, their life, and the purpose and plans you have for them.

Heavenly Father, I pray that you continue being with him/her, speaking to them and loving them as only you can. Thank you for what you continue to do throughout their life. Remind them that everything they have gone through serves a purpose and is part of their testimony even though they might not understand it. It is in the mighty name of Jesus I pray this, Amen.