BrendaHubbard

Ever ran so hard you don’t even know your running? Ever felt so tired but you haven’t lost sleep or so you think…ever stopped to look around and wondered is this it? Is my life just waking up, looking around wondering will it ever happen for me? Will I ever actually be blessed with that one person I can feel overwhelmed with excitement to be with and can’t wait to wake up again to look them in their eyes the next morning…will I ever be truly happy? Loved the way I dream I could be? Fulfilled?

Yes work is great its been paying the bills but sometimes I feel like this cannot just be it? I am blessed with a son that is truly the light of my world. He helps my mornings, days and nights go by but how can I be better for him? If something is missing in my life… there is no way I am being better for him like this. I have both of my parents which have done their best to always be my backbone, I have two younger brothers which are only a call away, friends that love me and are there to listen, to go grab a bite to eat or still willing to help me have a good time although some of the ways they would define a good time are not really what I would choose for myself but hey they are there (while cracking a fake smile across my face).
Here we go again another text….

From Mr.Unknown: Hey

Me: (Heart skips a beat/while rolling my eyes)

Mr.Unknown: wyd, are you alive?

Me: No I’m dead (like Im answering the txt, who asks that!?)

Mr.Unknown: lol How are you? 

Me: Im good (famous line you say when you don’t feel like going into details) 

Mr.Unknown: So I been thinking about you? 

Me: What about? (Here we go an overwhelming excitement, a roller coaster, I know exactly what he wants, not this time I can’t keep going back to this. He doesn’t even want a serious relationship, another booty call)

Mr.Unknown: You’re lips, I want to see you? 

Me: (UGH!!! Here we go no Brenda your not gonna go over there again! Delete the text! Ignore him) Oh really? Im busy right now..

Mr.Unknown: Hmmm…come on what about tonite? Like 7pm? 

Me: (Don’t do it Brenda!!!!) Hmmm…okay see you then, i’ll txt you when I am otw (OnTheWay)

And Just like that here comes all the thoughts rushing into my brain like stones and bricks being thrown at me…Your Better then this! Stop tell him No! Why are you going over there!? You don’t even really like him like that! You already know where this is going to take you! STOP!!! I tell myself I been overwhelmed with my thoughts, work is work and its been a long week, I can leave my stink (my sons nickname) with my parents they will watch him. I just want to go have a good time….

This was the cycle I was living in for a couple of years called “MY ROCK BOTTOM” before I said enough of this life style, enough of this hold that is on me, enough of me being controlled by a man that does not value, appreciate, nor want anything serious to do with me..To be continued…

Hi/Hola I am Brenda Nathali Hubbard, Welcome to my first blog post of many. As I walk this Journey by Faith and not by sight trusting and believing God has lead me to share my experiences and testimony with you to help you, deliver you and bring hope into your life through these sentences your taking the time to read.

As I embark on this Journey not knowing where this will lead me,

Heavenly Father I pray that you meet me exactly where I am and that you meet the person reading this exactly where they are. That you touch the both of us and that you work you supernatural strength so that I am obedient to where ever your Holy Spirit leads me for your glory and purpose and that you’ve worked on the readers heart so that they are in a place to receive what ever message you wish to relay to them through these words. I thank you for what you’re doing in our lives at this very moment, have your way and may your will be done I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.