BrendaHubbard

It is 11:30 pm on a Saturday as I am driving back home…with tears in my eyes…yelling at myself why are you doing this to yourself? You knew going there in the first place will only bring pleasure for a while but you knew once the adrenaline wore off you would be back to square one…feeling EMPTY! SAD! LONELY! UNWORTHY! and all the other words you can only imagine I was using to beat myself up…Then I start going down the list like he always wants me to stay overnight…it was a great time…you needed that…Okay Brenda well if that’s the case why do you feel like S#%$!? Go ahead…why!? Stuck and unable to answer my question I get home, I text him I made it home per usual. He always needed a text that I made it home safe. Which always gave me a feeling of awww he cares about me which is probably why I continue going back to this…

Here again another scenario of the vicious cycle I was living in that only God, and I knew about.
Sunday morning comes around I wake up early to get ready to go to church which at the time I am attending a non-denominational Christian Church I had been invited to several times by a friend and after weeks of insisting to attend I Finally gave in. Wow, I have loved the atmosphere, worship, and the word of God. I have never heard it spoken this way. Not to mention they had a Children’s ministry that I could take my son to while I was in service, SOLD! Lol (Laughing out Loud). So here I am I cannot remember how many weeks I’ve been attending. All I know is that every time I am in service during worship I have this rush and hurt in my heart that I cannot explain. All I know is that something is happening to me for the better. And this particular Sunday was not the exception. All I can remember was crying uncontrollably like a child with pain from the depth of me that I couldn’t even explain. While asking for forgiveness of the life I’ve been living behind closed doors. I walked out of that sanctuary that Sunday with a focus in mind to do my research and to change things in my life.

I had called a friend and asked:
Hey, why do people say it’s not okay to have sex before marriage!? Is this a myth!? I just want to know where does it say that in the Bible!?
I had no idea that question was the key that would catapult me to where I am today. Of course, I did not tell her why I was asking this question nor did she know that I was struggling with a so-called “friend” that would reach out to me no matter the time and I would almost drop whatever I was doing to go to see him. Let me give you a brief background of this friend. She was a woman that had decided to commit her life to walk with Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. Someone I had seen her life drastically change for the better and I trusted her judgment plus I didn’t know anyone else that I could trust and was taking their faith seriously. So here she is on the other line of my phone saying this isn’t a myth let me send you a few things for you to read. I’m like ok…so she starts sending me bible scriptures such as:

1 Corinthians 6:12 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”-but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.

1 Corinthians 6:17-19
17.But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.
18.Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.
19.Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20. For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 7:1-4
1.Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. 2.But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 3.The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4.The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

WOW!!! That hit me like a ton of bricks! As I was reading line after line…I told my friend thank you and at that moment the scales fell off…At that moment I cried and asked for forgiveness and said this is it…at that moment I said okay I am not to continue living like this I am unhappy and feel worst off after going to meet and hang out with this man than before I go. At that moment I realized that I was living in sin. And this is why I was feeling the way I was feeling…this day started the beginning of my real walk with my Heavenly Father Jesus Christ.

Thank you for coming alongside me as I share my experiences and testimony with you to help you, deliver you, and bring hope into your life through these sentences you are taking the time to read. Father God thank you for the reader, their life, and the purpose and plans you have for them.

Father, I pray that you continue being with them, encouraging them and loving them as only you can. Thank you for what you’ve done and are doing through their life. Remind them that everything they have gone through serves a purpose and is part of their testimony even though they might not understand it. It is in the mighty name of Jesus I pray this, Amen.